By Rob Meronek
Here's a nice formula for some holiday fun. Get your crew together, get some suits, add a hot chick so you look legit, then head downtown to all the fancy hotels. There's a party with free food and free drinks going on in every ballroom. Find one and post up. See examples below.
The first hotel we hit up was the Mariott. After we checked the events schedule in the lobby, we realized the same company party that we crashed last year (WellCare, Inc) was having their party again tonight. They have a great buffet at this one. At first it was a little sketchy because everyone was getting issued name badges, but we barged it anyway and no one said anything
It's a little uncomfortable sitting at a round table with random office workers who might detect you don't belong in the party, so we just post up in the corner at the WellCare party and throw down a great meal
Damn, the WellCare party was huge. They didn't have an open bar though. What???!! WellCare sucks. Change the name to WellFare. We're going to find another party
We walked across the street to the brand new Embassy Suites and found two parties going on - some construction company and a small wedding. After a very confident "yep" answer to the bartender's "are you with the wedding party" question, we enjoyed plenty from this open bar and tried not to look too suspect. The crowd was small at this one but it didn't matter. Once again, no one says anything
Across the street from the Embassy Suites is the Tampa Convention Center. This place always has multiple giant parties going on all throughout December. We rolled up on one company that had a full gambling theme. I'm wearing two ties and sneakers you can see from outer space and security still has no idea we don't belong. This is too easy
Speaking of sneakers, let's pause for a corporate foot fetish
The gambling theme party pretty much sucked. No open bar and no wasted office staff going nuts - that's what we were looking for. So on to the next spot. Super jackpot! This is dinner number two that definitely one upped the WellFare company's dinner. We had an awesome Thanksgiving style meal here, plus there was an open bar. Hell yeah. Thanks to whatever company that had their party in Ballroom B
Ballroom B's party was extra fancy, but the crowd was pretty thin. Still, no one says anything when our crew raids the bar, buffet, and dance floor. Did I mention how easy this is?
Chef Boyardee doesn't care if we don't belong. He's just there to dish out free food
Out of a crowd of about 150 Captain Corporate types in Ballroom B's party, there was not one hot chick - not a single one. When Jenna here hit the dance floor, I'm sure every dude in there was like, "Damn, when did we finally hire some eye candy????"
Right outside the doors of Ballroom B's party, there was a huge Christmas display set up. I stole Frosty in Frosty's honor since he couldn't make it. The real Frosty was swinging hammers getting the street course done
The real Frosty came out late night to have some beers with the plastic Frosty
Both Frosty's are chick magnets. This was in the Czar Bar later in the night
Where the hell did the Batman mask come from?
Check out our adventure from last year: