A View of America For My Euro Friends

by Rob Meronek

After spending over a month getting lost in Europe and showing all my American friends all the weird little things that are funny to me there, I thought I'd do the same thing in reverse for all the new Euro friends I made. Here are some of the things you might find funny and/or strange if you went through the same tour that I did here in America and have the same jacked views of things.

In America, we have big giant buildings covered in neon to make you gamble and spend more money. This is from when Clem and I were stuck in Las Vegas recently

In America, some people have a foot fetish

In Europe, some of you got some busted style going there, but we have just the same here. Sometimes it's worse

In America, we have really big and wide roads that allow us to have king sized vehicles like the Clem-350. You can mow down people on bicycles and not even feel a bump

In America, we have these things called "shopping malls." This is where people like Sheckler and his crew hang out when they're not at the gym. What the hell am I doing in a shopping mall?

Well, I'm here to get an iPhone at the Apple Store. It's crowded. I already have one on the way by FedEx, but the geek in me couldn't wait for that so I had to go get one at the mall. The next day when FedEx came, they delivered an empty box. Someone at FedEx stole the phone. Wow. Apple shipped another one that I sold to Schaefer

In America, we have ice and we use it for making beer cold. You should try it sometime

You guys have McDonald's, too, but here in America, you can take the laziness to the next level by driving up to Ronald's window and placing your order without even getting your fat ass out of your car. Sick

Here in America, you have to wait until you're 21 to drink. Abdias Rivera recently reached the legal peak

Ian Gow and Drunk Aaron - classic Americans

You Euros got some weird food going on, but no one tops them wacky orientals when it comes to extra sketchy grub. Sadam Burgess is in Japan teaching Engrish and sent over this nice sample of Japanese stuff

Yeah these snacks look real tasty

In America, we have vert, too. No further comment because I'm not allowed

In America, girls get ink on their lower back. This one says "tramp stamp" in Chinese

We recently had a contest here for Clem's skimboarder friends. Do people skimboard in Europe? The chill cam doesn't take good skate photos

In America, when we have trophy girls, unfortunately they are required to wear full clothing

In America, we have wild chickens running around everywhere. When I say wild, I dont' mean untamed, I mean like getting wasted, smashing beer bottles, talking mad crap to girls, etc. I'm down with the wild chickens

More Americans with a foot fetish

In America, we have these people called "gangstas." They purposely spell it wrong to look extra cool. They also make up stuff to do with their hands like the skateboard gang symbol you see this guy throwing out. Right after this he's got to go home because the street lights turned on

In America, we celebrate the day you slid out of your mom's womb. It's another great excuse to have a party. Happy Birthday, Porpe

Abdias Rivera and Chris Jata are trying to get their own skateboard tv show, but they know they need to bulk up first. Watch out for the accidental teabagging on the spot

In America, a naked man is tolerated and women embrace him. Unfortunately, it's not the same for women. This is The Senator in his lair known as The Castle. Margaret, Joanne, and Stance - classic American females

In America, we tip dancers with one dollar bills, something you guys don't have over there. You can't really give a dollar coin to a stripper. Looks like Abdias Rivera has tipped this dancer quite a bit

More Americans with a foot fetish - Dirty Bucks and OEM, oops, wait, that's Slop Funk Drunk