Zaturdays: A Love Letter to Bart Jones

Bart Jones is a walking cartoon character, and a complete and total mess: dirty, stinky, unkempt, and disorganized. I met Bart more than a few years ago at a Tampa Am. We were both in the “Industry VIP Contest” where the old dudes entertain the younger dudes whilst slamming on super easy tricks under the guise of friendly competition. I noticed right away how sweaty Bart was. He said he was nervous. I noticed later that he’s never not sweaty. We both were working for The Skateboard Mag at the time. I’d actually talked to him on the phone in the past regarding photos and related magazine business. In fact, I’d interviewed him once about how to make it as a photographer. I was probably 15 minutes into it when I realized I probably should have picked a different photographer. Someone with a little bit better grasp on things. An hour later he was still talking and still failing to get to the point. Bart’s mind is like the contents of his camera bag: all over the place. 50% of everything Bart says begins with an apology followed by a disclaimer. “I’m sorry, because you’re probably busy, but I have a question for you, it’s probably a stupid question, and I might have even already asked it before, but….” Bart has anxiety. About everything. He’s a worrier. He’s worried about whether his photos are good enough, if the captions make sense, where he’s going to get his next meal, when we’re going to fire him. We had him shoot stuff for SPoT for the first time last year at Tampa Pro. He missed the first meeting where we were going to coordinate every aspect of coverage for the entire week. His alarm hadn’t gone off. Or something. That’s another thing. There’s a black cloud hovering over Bart at all times. He’s a magnet for bad things, bad situations, bad people. If his computer doesn’t crash at the worst moment, it’ll get stolen outright. His car will die on the interstate. His friends will unknowingly leave for a three-week road rip with his camera gear in their trunk. His flashes won’t go off. He’ll get sucker punched at the bar. He’ll wake up with a hangover. Granted, when Bart tells you the whole story you’ll discover that all of these things could have been prevented, but still. Watch his Weekend Buzz for just a small slice of Bart being Bart. Also, insult to injury, Bart is homeless. Or nearly. He used to live in Ishod’s garage. But then Ishod moved out so now he’s just living in the garage of a skate house where nobody pays him any attention, like a neglected pet. The few possessions Bart has are spread out across the country, in storage units, attics, basements. More likely than not he’ll never see them again. Here’s the thing though, hanging out with Bart is the best. You’re never going to have a better time with anyone ever. On top of that his photos are great, and so are his captions. For all the grief we give Bart, we all totally love him. So Bart, relax, please, we’re not going to fire you, ever, or at LEAST not until Atiba sends us his résumé.