Officer Doofy Reporting For Duty
Posted on Friday, November 30, 2007 by Rob
I rode my skateboard two blocks from my house to the local bar – The Hub. I was simply using it as transportation. A cop asked me to stop, but I pretended to not see him and skated the remaining 20 feet or so to the front door and went in. The cop followed me in. I couldn’t believe it. I saw him start asking patrons at the bar about me coming in, so I walked over to him.
“Did you just seriously follow me in here?” I asked him. He got instantly pissed. I knew I was in for a good time.
He pushed me around a bit, led me out with one hand held behind my back while telling me I’m under arrest, put me in the back of his police car, and then gave me a 10-minute lecture like I was a child – the normal stuff. Then I was blown away when it turned to most of his speech having to do with black history and how this man was still pissed at how white kids treated him growing up. Yeah. I couldn’t resist ridiculing this guy. I probably deserved some police brutality at this point. When he asked me if I wanted to go to a jail, I told him it was pretty much a coin toss and didn’t matter. If I went to jail for skateboarding, it would be hilarious and I’d have a better story than last time. If I didn’t go to jail, I was in for a fun night at The Hub. Either one is cool with me. Plus, how funny is it to be on the Jail Birds Page for skateboarding? After more lecturing and repeatedly telling me I’m arrogant, he finally let me go and warned me that if he sees me stumbling out of the bar he dragged me out of, I’m under arrest again. Fantastic police work, pal. I tried to record the whole thing when it started, but he took all my possessions when I got taken to the car and stuffed into the back. Here’s a little bit of video from that:
By the end of the encounter, I was artificially nice to him. I shook his hand, gathered my belongings, had a drink, then walked my skateboard home. Good night.