The Guide to Surviving Tampa Pro
Posted on Wednesday, March 18, 2015 by Chris
The Guide to Surviving Tampa Pro
By Leonard Trubia
Don’t leave your hotel room.
There’s plenty of quality programing on your flat screen. 500 channels of shows that will change your life. Plug in and drop out.
Your hotel subscribes to the HBO bundle.
The challenge….Challenging.
Welding your thumb to your iPhone will undoubtedly make this difficult. As you compulsively check your Instagram account and see your friends strike the first flint of night you will be tempted… Tempted.
Ybor City. Your friends are selfying. Taking pics with twenty of your best drinking buddies. Just lighting the underside of the candlestick.
Be realistic.
Just go.
You’re only pro until you’re not.
Just a few precautions before you enter the Thunderdome, Mel.
Plan for a night of debauchery.
You are a professional skater on the east coast.
Florida.
You are a celebrity.
You will be tempted…Tempted.
Love is blind. Drunk sex has double vision.
Take precautions…Precaution.
In the words of Hollywood’s most charming night owl “Ron Burgundy Room”, aka Chris Casey, “cover it don’t discover it”. You may not get a death sentence, but you may be given the gift that keeps on giving. Yes, pick up some condoms, and while you’re at it grab a bottle of water and some Ibuprofen.
Preparation…Prepared.
Set your alarm.
The hotel concierge may be gainfully employed but everyone makes mistakes. If you are skating the next day plug your phone in, set the alarm, and leave it in the hotel room. You can’t lose, break, or drunk dial if you don’t have a phone. Tomorrow you can repost and like any of the several hundred Insta posts of drunken bliss.
Knowledge is power. Information is fuel.
Leave it at the hotel.
Cellphone separation anxiety.
Take a shot.
Get over it.
Take a Magic Marker and Tattoo yourself.
Sharpie emergency contact info right on your stomach.
Just do it.
If things go south you can call collect from the drunk tank reading numbers and names from your gut.
If things happen to go north you may leave Tampa will a humorous brain tattoo that will last a lifetime. After laying atop your date for five hours, post sweaty strangelove sex you will deliver a Sharpie heat transfer to your date. Huh?
The pro ho that is convinced you’re Mick Jagger should now have a grey shade of your contact information in mirror reverse on her stomach. Either direction, your tattoo should include your hotel and room number, maybe even your team managers room number in the event you get arrested for absolutely nothing.
Read in reverse.
Bring your girlfriend.
Nah.
Bring your sense of humor.
You’re only young forever.
Comments
Article Archive by Category
- All Ages Contests
- Anniversary Parties
- Art Shows
- Awards Ceremonies
- Boards for Bros
- Booze Cruise
- Celebrity Sightings
- Chill Cam Dumps
- Christmas
- Clash of the Crews
- Coastal Carnage
- Comedy
- Cons Triple C's
- Contest and Event Coverage
- Copenhagen Pro
- Course Construction
- Damn Am
- DC King of Series
- Demos at SPoT
- Digital Product Toss
- EOTM Parties
- Event Schedules and Details
- Franks for Nothing
- Go Skateboarding Day
- Heat Sheets and Skater Lists
- Industry Event Coverage
- Information About SPoT
- Make-A-Wish Contests
- Maloof Money Cup
- Nerdsday Thursday
- News and Press Releases
- Parties
- Product Watch
- Red Bull Events
- Road Trips
- Shoe Releases
- Shop Tours
- Skate Bid'niss
- Skate Missions
- SPoT Skate Shop Ybor
- Tampa Am
- Tampa Pro
- The Bricks
- Throwback Thursday
- Tourist Missions
- Toys for Tatas
- Trade Shows
- Vans Downtown Showdown
- Video Premieres
- Warped Tour
- Zaturdays
Shop
- Accessories
- Backpacks/ Bags
- Beanies
- Bearings
- Belts
- Complete Skateboards
- Decks and Boards
- DVD's
- Girls Gear
- Griptape
- Hardware
- Hats
- Headphones
- Jackets
- Jerseys
- Kids Shoes
- Long Sleeve Shirts
- Magazines/ Books
- Pads and Helmets
- Pants/ Jeans
- Sale/ Closeout
- Shoes
- Shorts
- Socks
- Stickers
- Sunglasses
- Sweaters/ Hoodies
- Tank Tops
- T Shirts
- Trucks
- Wallets
- Watches
- Wheels
- Woven/ Polo/ Knit Shirts